When someone says – Why didn’t you just leave? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Did you bring this on yourself? – the victim hears – “You are weak” “This is all you deserve because…<insert one of a million messages victims play in their heads>”
Victims perceive that everyone looks at them like they are weak – we think people talk about us, that they whisper as we walk by, that they pretend that it is all made up. We make ourselves believe that they cannot bear our truth.
We believe that unless they have walked the path, they cannot understand fully.
The truth is that so many people are overworked, overstressed, overtired and just plain checked out because of their own “stuff”.
It has nothing to do with us or our situation.
Life is faster now than it has ever been and those who strive for true connection can spend a great deal of time unfulfilled.
But just take a moment and imagine that we started telling our stories…and people really listened…and they stopped their lives for a moment to honor us and give us love and support. What would that feel like to you?
I went through my whole life thinking that I didn’t want to burden the people that I loved with my problems and I didn’t talk about much of what I went through, but things dramatically changed for me when I realized that there are way more people in this world that want to love and support me than there ever was or will be who don’t.
Don’t let the myth of “people don’t understand” keep you from telling your story or keep you from reaching out for the love and support that you and all of us so desperately need and deserve in this world.
It is time for us to expose our vulnerabilities and tell our stories so that we may heal and be whole again and fully integrate the stories into our lives.
Our stories and our struggles are part of our fabric now. Whatever happened was for a reason and we are stronger because of it.
It is time to release the shame and acknowledge the warrior that you are.
The shame does not serve you and those messages you give yourself when someone says “Why didn’t you just leave” – those negative messages are in your head. Instead, rephrase it – “I feel so sad that you didn’t have the support you needed to get out of that situation, I wish I could have helped”. This is what people really mean when they say “Why didn’t you just leave”.
We all need to believe in each other again, to help others where they need help and learn to accept help when it is offered.
When you open yourself to receive love and support, love and support will be granted abundantly. You just have to be open and believe.
Love is not scarce in this world…our openness to accept it is.
I have proven time and time again that when people truly see me, they honor me and love me despite whatever struggles I have had.
There is love everywhere for you and for all of us…let us open to let it in.