Why Abusers Abuse and Why We Stay

Abusers crave power and they absolutely depend on their ability to maintain that power over their victim.

The abuser most often masks deep seated insecurities, which they project onto their victims.  This confuses the victim and fulfills the abusers primary goal to gain power over them.  Many abusers are narcissistic and incredibly skilled at gas lighting – convincing the victim that they are bringing the abuse on themselves.

Abusers use their ability to control and manipulate others to make their victim feel magnetized.They often exude power, which naturally draws in people, especially those conditioned to accept abuse. We find ourselves seeking out those that possess skills that we lack, and abusers radiate an abundance of confidence and power that is difficult to avoid.

We live in a patriarchal culture, which inundates women with messages from an early age.They teach us to resist our intuition and abandon our beliefs and values, so that those in power will accept and, most of all, want us.  We internalize these messages, providing an unconscious frame of mind that dismisses the early warning signs of abuse. This traps us into situations we find difficult to Recognize.

If a woman has a history of childhood abuse, or abuse through multiple relationships, her chances for continued abuse significantly rise. With every abusive encounter, she further develops and reinforces her deep seated beliefs of shame and unworthiness.

More complications arise as her dependence on her abuser grows. She feels completely overwhelmed because she has to stay due to financial or cultural reasons. If she is with someone who is highly skilled, her abuser will keep her from outside activities and the ability to change her situation.

Your abuser, like a wild animal with its prey, can sense weakness in you. If you do not rise up to defend yourself, they will hunt you down, capture you and keep you as long as you fulfill their needs.

But none of this is your fault. Again, none of this is your fault.

Statistics have shown that abusers will continue their cycles of violence again and again.

We can’t change their behavior, nor is it our responsibility. We can’t save them.

What we can do – what we MUST do- is reignite our fire and rise into our own power. 
















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